How to Set Boundaries In A Relationship
Relationships can be founded on romance, family, friendship, and more. We have relationships with coworkers, neighbors, teammates, and classmates. One of the most essential common threads through all such connections is the need for healthy boundaries. Too often, this concept is deemed negative — as if its sole purpose is to keep us separate.
Sure, there will be times when cutting off someone’s access to you is necessary. But, even then, boundaries guide us to recognize where we end and where others begin. Contrary to popular belief, healthy boundaries can reduce the amount of conflict we encounter. But how do we make that happen?
Why Are Boundaries Important In Any Relationship?
It should be obvious that boundaries are an excellent way to set personal limits. Each individual should have the freedom to decide how they prefer to live and interact. Establishing a boundary is a direct way to make this happen. Besides this, however, there are other important reasons for setting and enforcing boundaries, e.g.,
Boundaries Can Increase Trust and Respect: To articulate needs and set health boundaries, everyone involved must become more vulnerable. Sharing like this is a powerful foundation for trust. Meanwhile, being made aware of your differences allows people to respectfully disagree — an increasingly rare event these days.
Boundaries Require Accountability: When we take ownership of our emotions, wants, and needs, we step into that crucial responsibility. It’s a win-win.
Boundaries Help Develop Balance: This process can guide us to a place of healthy balance. Everyone is viewed as discrete and their feelings are valid.
Sounds great, right? But again, how do we make it happen?
4 Ways to Set Boundaries In A Relationship
1. Hone Your Communication Skills
As hard as we try, some level of ego can prevent us from setting boundaries. For example, we may take it personally if someone prefers not to receive phone calls past a specific time. The antidote to such a reaction is healthy communication and solid listening skills. An excellent starting point is to write down your needs and wants and be comfortable with them. Visualize having others hear and honor such a list. When it’s your turn to listen, respond with curiosity and compassion.
2. Read the Room
Important, sensitive conversations like this may require some pre-planning. Talking about boundaries spontaneously could set you up for stress. Pick a time that works for everyone, and if things get tense, remember that you can always take a break.
3. This is Not a Contest
The setting of mutual boundaries does not have to be a contest or battle. The idea is to make everyone feel as comfortable as possible. There’s no need to compete when your goal is deepening and strengthening a relationship.
4. Remain Respectful
As mentioned above, boundaries can help increase respect. Therefore, it only makes sense that you practice respect when setting them. Some disagreement is inevitable but it does not have to be uncomfortable. Keep the lines of communication open and revisit difficult topics as necessary.
Sometimes, Setting Relationship Boundaries Feels Impossible
If you’re nodding your head, take heart that you’re not alone. This is tricky stuff and often requires support. Whether you opt for individual or couples therapy, you’ll find that things run more smoothly when an unbiased guide is present. What feels painful at the moment can end up being a valuable opportunity to learn more about yourself and the people in your life.
To learn more about this kind of interpersonal dynamics, we invite you to reach out and connect. Let’s talk about healthy boundaries and help make them happen with relationship coaching.
